Baby Nathan

Two weeks ago we went in for a routine visit with the specialist. I was 20 weeks and had no reason to expect anything troublesome. The ultrasound tech did her stuff first, as usual, and said she thought she saw some problems with the heart that the dr would talk to us about. Little did we know our world was about to be turned upside down. The dr came in and said that there were some things to talk about. First off, they saw a penis so we immediately knew that the CVS testing that we'd had at 12 weeks had been inaccurate. They saw an underdeveloped heart that also had a hole in it. They also thought that the hands appeared to be clenched. All of this information lead her to believe that the initial suspicion of Trisomy 18 had been correct and she recommended we do an amnio immediately. I was reluctant because we'd already had a major test tell us something completely wrong, so why should we trust them again. But if the baby only had a heart condition then we needed to deal with that asap so I agreed to the amnio on the spot. They called two days later to confirm that the baby was indeed a boy who had Trisomy 18...which is incompatible with life. We decided to name him Nathan.

The next Monday we went back to discuss what our options were. The dr recommended that we either proceed with the pregnancy or induce delivery now. We didn't feel that either of these were real options for our family. We finally agreed that we would terminate the pregnancy even though I was 21 weeks and there could be damage to my uterus. Because the state considers this an abortion, I had to sign some paperwork and wait the mandatory 24 hr waiting period. We called Dave's sister, Carol, to come help because she had offered to come and help us out during this ordeal.

Carol got in on Wed. around 11am and I had to be at the hospital at 3pm. When we got there we found out that the procedure was not scheduled until noon the next day so I would be spending the night. We are so grateful that Carol was able to come and help with the boys. They loved playing with her and are still talking about her a week later.

Nora and Dave stayed with me in the hospital. The nurses had some trouble getting a vein for an IV so there were some pretty painful points (Nora almost passed out just before the procedure because they we having such a hard time.) The dr came by around 5:30pm to discuss the procedure and put in the laminaria (seaweed sticks that caused dilation). After this procedure I started having a really hard time. I could not pee. It sounds funny now, but it was excruciating. Finally around 11pm I asked for someone to intervene so I could make it through the night. I only slept about 3 hrs (even with a ton of Benedryl) and continued to have problems through the night (almost throwing up at one point).

The next morning they got me ready for the procedure, gave me a spinal and some "forgetful" meds and unfortunately I had to do something I never thought I'd do in my life....terminate a baby's life. The procedure took a bit longer than predicted, but I came out of things ok. It took some time for the spinal to wear off and they wouldn't let me go home until I could pee...which had been an effort the whole stay. But around 6pm I finally got things going again and we headed home. The boys were glad to see us and we were very glad to see them.

I had some troubles with nausea that evening and the next day (Fri) but luckily Carol was staying until Sun so I had time to recover a bit. Physically it was a little more intense than last time but I did recover quickly. Emotionally I'm still not over the first time so another loss (so close together plus losing Marley) has been a bit overwhelming. Connor has really been asking a lot of questions about what's in my belly now and where did he go. He's also still having trouble with losing Marley...he didn't want to take Sophie to the vet this week since Marley never came home. It's an awful lot for an adult to understand let alone a 3 yr old. He's mad that no one is coming to live with us. I can't really blame him, I am too.